God-Damn Yankees…

Nation’s Nine-Year Vacation From Yankees Ruined by New York Yankees World Series Victory.


A collective sigh and the sound of millions of televisions being turned off simultaneously filled the air last night from the Atlantic Seaboard to the Pacific Coast as Phillies’ Outfielder Shane Victorino bounced out weakly to Yankees’ First-Baseman Mark Texeira to produce the final out of the 27th World Series to be not won by a team not called the “Yankees.”

Although emotions ran high inside George Steinbrenner’s new $1.5billion full-scale replica of Yankee Stadium (and in the dingy apartments and parents’ basements of many baggy-panted young men with sideways, oversized ballcaps bearing the famous “NY” logo pulled down over their ears), most Americans greeted the anti-climatic event with disinterest and even nausea.

Somehow getting contributions from their $13,000,000 Japanese-born slugger Hideki Matsui; their $33,000,000 pet third-baseman Alex Rodriguez; $20,000,000 first-base purchase Mark Texeira; $15,000,000 man-mountain C.C. Sabathia; $13,000,000 defensive liability Johnny Damon, $16,500,000 weak-link A.J. Burnett; $21,600,000 pretty face Derek Jeter; $13,000,000 part-time catcher Jorge Posada; and $15,000,000 leather-faced closer Mariano Rivera, the Yankees were able to overcome the Twins, Angels and finally the Philadelphia Phillies to once again annoy the shit out of the rest of the country.  While wingnut Christian Andy Pettite pledged a trip to Disney World following the victory, Rodriguez and Jeter made immediate plans to find new celebrity girlfriends in the offseason.


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2 Responses to “God-Damn Yankees…”

  1. chappy81 Says:

    It was painful to watch, so I changed the channel and skipped out on watching the celebration. Let’s just hope Girardi blows it somehow, and they don’t make it two in a row!

  2. ..: JJP Says:

    What’s the point of having all that money if you’re not going to spend it right in the off-season!? Hate the Yankees and George Steinbrenner all you like, but at least the Yankees WANT to field a competitive team on the baseball diamond year in and year out. Can’t say that for at least half of the teams in the MLB, and most of those teams are making some decent coin when they’re not getting paid out by the Yanks going over the cap.

    Oh, and start spreading the news because we’re going to win next year too, so keep that hater-ade flowing lil’ buddy…


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